my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
