I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
