The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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