good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
