Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
