my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
