I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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