Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
