God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
