Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
