Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
