Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
