I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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