I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
