I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
