just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
