I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
