if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
