Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
