I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
