Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
