i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
