When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
