If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize