it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
