I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
