Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
