she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need a beard to bite.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
