all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
