Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
