just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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