woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think your dad took our porno
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
