He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
