Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
