I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
