just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
