there's paper in my vomit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
