remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
