he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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