Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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