Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
