I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Vodka?
Forever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
