just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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