Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
