Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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