I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
