He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
