How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
