No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
