why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
