You're so nebulous sometimes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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