Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
