discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
