do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
