i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
