I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
